There ain’t enough baking soda to make Ben Carson’s presidential campaign fruit salad not emit an odor of something past its shelf life.
With nearly every poll placing him dead last, Carson’s campaign motto of “heal” and “revive” has become less of a campaign saying and more of a survival mantra.
In an op-ed with Fox News, the presidential candidate said that he would not drop out despite low poll numbers because, “there’s always the possibility the people could awaken” and realize duh, the one you wanted was in front of you the whole time!
Ben, they’re napping because hearing your voice puts them to sleep. I don’t want to call it medical malpractice, but his boring speeches have put me in a coma at least several times.
I’ve found the best way to wake a slumbering someone is by making a loud noise – like by dropping something heavy. I don’t know how much you weigh, Ben – but dropping out may just do the trick.
The former neurosurgeon would need to perform a whooole lot of lobotomies to convert enough supporters to vote for him.
Though it would be a futile effort because it seems the majority of lobotomy patients seem to be backing Trump this go-around.
Hey Benny, high numbers will kill you if it’s your cholesterol, but if they’re polls and you’re running for president, they keep that ticker beating.
Teresa is a comedian/writer/director/producer based in New York City.
You can find her regularly performing stand-up all over the city including Gotham Comedy Club, New York Comedy Club, Broadway Comedy Club, or on Skype to her highly critical nieces and nephew.